Despite some initial struggles with feeding and Finn not gaining weight, we are back on track and he is doing well! Tommy had three weeks’ paternity leave and we were grateful for that time to bond as a family. Papa and Gigi (my mom and dad) were here for 5 weeks, it was special to have them around during the first few weeks and they were a massive support to us.
Life is settling into a bit of a routine now. I am home with Finn until the end of July. In between feeding and diaper changing I have been reading different blogs and listen to podcasts. Wanting to learn and hear from others about their experiences with motherhood.
Recently I came across a post on website called The Fresh Exchange, talking about the journey of motherhood “ I thought in some way this whole journey would be about keeping my old self in tack. The misconception that the old self was the one that I would want to keep. For a while I did. I wanted to retain the parts of me that I didn’t realize were incredibly selfish. I wanted to hold on to the girl who saw the world as solely her’s to do with as she wished. I wanted to retain the girl (yes I say girl) who THOUGHT she knew what she wanted. Silly me.”
Although this journey for me is just beginning, I see a lot of myself in those words. Before having Finn, and even as I write this now, I wrestle with not losing myself in becoming a mother, some days I want to cling to that girl in me because she is familiar and comfortable and I know how to navigate her world. How do I balance being a wife and mother, with our calling to serve the most vulnerable? How do I not lose that passion and deep conviction through the sleep deprivation and endless loads of laundry? … The truth is I don’t know, but I do know that I am committed to embracing the journey. I am thankful for a God who will grant me grace and a community and family who loves and supports us.
